Poof-Poof's Adventures in Got Ham City!
by TheLovelyJudy
Summary: The sexy-bad-ass-mother-fucker known as Bane came into Gotham like "Hey BITCHEZ I'm gonna blow up this city with an atomic bomb and DA BATMAN can't save you cuz I BROKEDED HIM! RAAWWR" Parody/Humor; one-shot?


Caution: The creator of this story is **not** responsible for any contusions, psychotic breaks, or lack of milk in the refrigerator.

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**This is part one, bitchez**

Once upon a time, there existed a kingdom known as Gotham City (Got Ham?) which was dominated by all sorts of scary sexy bad ass peoples like DA BATMANS!

First DA BATMANS had to defeat The Scarecrow (He would go around RUTHLESSLY terrorizing crow families the monster! D: ) THEN! Joker came out to play (He only wanted to carve peoples faces, force Got Ham into a state of complete anarchy, and drive people to the brink of insanity…I don't know what Batbreath was bitching about . Drama Queen)

But 'twas not yet finished!

The sexy-bad-ass-mother-fucker known as Bane came into Gotham like "Hey BITCHEZ I'm gonna blow up this city with an atomic bomb and DA BATMAN can't save you cuz I BROKEDED HIM! RAAWWR"

Now that you have some background information on Got Ham City, allow me to introduce to you our main character POOF-POOF! That is her naaaaame! She is POOF-POOF and she wants to plaaaaay!

POOF-POOF was skipping down a dark Got Ham road with a GIANT LOLLIPOP in her hand when she ran into DA BATMANsss!

Batman: ooo shoond buh ouuu isss laah (You shouldn't be out this late)

POOF-POOF: No I'm sorry I don't have pudding with me at the moment

Batman: Nuuh I dunn waah puuhin (No I don't want pudding)

POOF-POOF: I love that movie too!

Batman: Aaargh! *Jumps on bike & drives off with Epic Dark Knight theme music playing in the backround)

POOF-POOF: .…..…... Where's that music coming from?

Thus ended her encounter with Got Ham's masked Vigilante!

WHERE IS MY RIGHT SOCK?!

**This is Part Two, muddafuggas!**

POOF-POOF teleported to DA Jokah's super-duper secret lair! (She was trying to teleport to the taco stand outside her house…I don't know how she ended up at his lair…she's just a FREAK like that)

Joker: *Stuck in Movie line mode* Well hello beautiful

POOF-POOF: :D You think I'm pretty?

Joker: Let's put a smile on that face

POOF-POOF: o_o….:)…:D…..X3

Joker: You wanna know how I got these scars? My father blah blah blah….

POOF-POOF: O_O

Joker: …..blah blah blah why so serious….blah blah

POOF POOF: D: YOU POOR BABY! *Glomps!*

Then the Joker realized that he loveded this random girl who had glomped him! So, like any gentlemen desiring to capture a woman's heart he dun SET A MOTHAFUKAHING CAR on FIIIRE!

Joker: Those flames represent MY BURNING DESIRE FOR YOU!

So they got married and lived happery ever after…

Just Kidding. That would be COMPLETELY unrealistic. I'll telleth you what REALLY happened.

DA Joker pulled away from POOF-POOF and declared dramatically "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn" before riding off into the sunset on a GIANT flying Pig!

I DUN FOUND MY SOCK YA'LLS!

**This dun be Part 3 Ma bruddahs from another Muddahz! (And sistahs, too!)**

SBAMF Bane was terrorizing some BITCHEz at da Stock Market when he dun felt someone's face pressed against the back of his shoulder. What was this?!

TWAS POOF-POOF! :D

She was sniffing his jacket with fervor, cuz he dun smelled good! Seriously people, just go right up to him and bury your nose into his fur collar! (Weeez not responsible for any CRUSHED SKULLS if you decide to do this)

POOF-POOF was picked up and dun thrown across the room! Cuz Bane is just a BITCH like that.

-WE INTERRUPT TO THIS PROGRAM TO BRING YOU EARTH SHATTERING LIFE ALTERING NEWS!-

…uh…

Hiiiii

:D

-BACK TO THE SHOW!-

Somehow Bane & POOF-POOF became sorta-kinda friends! (It more like she FORCED herself into his life but whatever) she was dun shocked when he told her he didn't know much about DA joker, so being the self-less WOMAN she was she dun decided to EDUCATE his FIIIINE ass!

POOF-POOF: Back when the world was new. The city of Gotham was down on its luck. And everywhere psychotic clowns called goons ran amuck! It was a NASSSTY place, there was a mess wherever you stepped! Where chaos reigned and explosions never stopped! And then along came Bruce! He hurrrrled his batarang, he attacked! Locked that Joker in a vault! He's trapped and on his own stopped chaos in it's traaaacks! And that's gospel truuuuuth!

Bane was dun moved to tears by this inspirational story!

Then Bane dun thought of something…he hadn't befoah

Bane: Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store, maybe—perhaps…Christmas dun mean a little bit more.

Then these two BEST FWENDS FUREVAH engaged in day filled with fun and goofyness! They dun played in the park and shared an ice cream cone! (Que fan girls: Awwwww!) and den Bane dun confessed his love to her! Damn, these bitches are always falling in love with POOF POOF

It must have been her LUMPS!

But guess what BITCHEZ? If ya'll want POOF-POOF's lumps ya gotta PUT A RING ON IT!

**PART FOUR SUCKAHS**

Da Joker and Bane were now in a battle for POOF-POOF's heart! (Why? Cause as a fan girl dis is mah fantasy muddahfuggas…can you dun imagine Bane and Joker fighting over you…e.e Oh…oh my…*Squeak*)

Bane: Oh, you think the dance floor is your ally? You merely adopted the dance. I was born in it, Molded by it. Bitch.

Joker: Oh yeah well… Your mask is stupid! :p

Bane: :[] No it's not! My mom said my mask is special! :I

Joker: Yo mama so ugly that Bob the Builder looked at her and said "I CAN'T FIX THAT!"

Scarecrow, Batman, and Two-Face(where da fuck did they come from?): Ooooooooh!

Two-Face: I thought this was supposed to be a dance battle?...

Joker: Shut up Dent, nobody likes you. Now go on! GIT!

POOF-POOF was having a tea party with Alfred.

**THIS IS FIFTH PART OF THIS AWARD WINNING NOVEL!**

It be time for a road trip bitchez!

Driver: Batman

Passenger: Scarecrow

First three seats: Bane, POOF-POOF, Joker

Last three seats: Dent, Alfred, Gordan

Joker: Let's play Truth or Dare!

Batman: thaah soons fuuh, eel saaar (That sounds fun, I'll start)

Joker: …um okay then, Bane you go first. (Batman: D: *gasp*)

Bane: Alright…dare

Joker: I dare you to blow up Two-Face's head WIT YO MIND!

Bane: *Head snaps around to glare at Two-Face* (Que intense classical music)

Two-Face: What are you—Owwww! Aaaah my brain meat!

Bane: *Continues to glare at Two-Face* (Intense classical music gets louder)

Two Face: Aaaaaaargh! *BOOOOM!*

Alfred: Oh dear…blood stains and brain chunks are very hard to get out of leather…

Bane: Alright, I choose…Scarecrow

Scarecrow: I'll choose…truth

Bane: What are you afraid of?

Scarecrow: …I feel no fear! I am the FEAR MAASTAH!

Bane: Brother, thou are not being honest with thyself

Scarecrow: Fine I'm afraid of…of…TELETUBIES!

POOF-POOF: We're here!

Gordan: Oh yeah, I never asked where we were going…

POOF-POOF: To the Teletubbie Expo of course :D

Scarecrow: NNNNNOOOOOOO! *Hides inside Batman's cape*

So they went to the expo. Yep. Yes siree bob they sure did.

**THE END :D**

**Review!**


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